1. I have a lot of fears. When I was little, I had a best friend named April. She lived two houses down from me. On the weekends and summers we would trade off nights at each other's houses. I always wanted to to come to my house, but I knew I had to do my duty at stay at her house as well. When I would sleep over, I would lay in bed with fear worrying about my family. They were only two houses down, but I worried that a robber would come in the house and hurt them. I worried that the house would burn down with them inside. I worried about my siblings. All the worse case senerios possible went through my mind. So I would lay there in bed until wee hours in the morning, stressing about my family until I would finally fall asleep exhausted.
Now, my worries and fears have re-focused. Then, my family was all that I had. I still worry about them a lot, especially my little brother Jerry, but my fears have taken a new target: Chris, or rather Chris and me.
When I was taking off on the plane a couple weeks ago to come to Honduras so many fears were surfacing through my brain. I was worrying about Chris driving home to Columbia, him falling asleep, or getting an accident, or speeding to get to work on time. I was worrying about me in this plane and if something happened to me, what would happen to Chris? Since I have been here, there has been a lot of room for worrying. When Chris doesn't answer the phone or when he is not online, what does this mean? I freak out. I immediately think that something terrible has happen. I go straight to worse case scenario.
And so... I feel like God has used this to challenge me in my fears and worrying. I feel him asking me to give him my fear. I do not want Satan to have a foothold in my life, and I can see how worrying and fearing so much have allowed that. There is a passage in the Bible that I have tried to find with no avail. (If anyone knows this reference please let me know). It talks about fearing the Lord your God and not fearing anything else but Him. I feel like that is what God is asking me to do at this time- not to fear anything else but Him. I struggle with this daily, but the realization of this has brought me to my knees every time.
2. The life of a servant means true sacrifice. I was excited to come to Honduras. I love this place. Yet, I never realized the true sacrifice it would take for me to come here. Maybe if I wasn't engaged with my best friend and living 2,000 miles away planning a wedding it would be easier. Maybe if I had a group of my friends here with me like I do when I come with The Rock team. Maybe if I didn't have to worry about the drinking water, tarantulas, bugs, getting overheated or diarrhea- maybe it would be easier.
Basically, coming here and living here is a lot harder than I thought it would be for me. After the first week I was scheming ways that I could come home early. I was struggling so much with being here and being away from Chris. Yet, I felt God ask me to give him these 13 weeks- to experience in suffering, trails, and sacrifice with him.
Now, part of me is thankful that it is a sacrifice to be here because it means me coming back to him on my knees begging him to give me strength, peace and joy daily to be here- and he has. He has provided beautifully.
3. He wants me to pray about going on staff with The Rock. I started praying and considering going on staff with my church 2 summers ago when I was in Colorado for LT. Yet, after some months or so I felt God guiding me to consider coming here to Choluteca. Once I felt peace about coming to Honduras, I began to focus on Honduras and mostly just that. A month or so ago Chris questioned me what my plans were after I got back from Honduras job-wise and I was disappointed because I hadn't spent much time praying about that.
Since I have been here, I have had time to think about The Rock and see it from the outside. I think the vision of the church is beautiful, to challenge college students to deepen their relationship with Christ. I think the message of Christ is urgent, and it is needed on the Mizzou campus. Now I feel God asking me to begin praying about me being a part of that vision. So please pray with me. I have no idea what His plans are when I get back, but I hope to find out soon enough.
speaking of fear, check out what is crawling around down here...
2 comments:
Hey girl...I totally get your fears about Chris. I can vividly remember a few nights when I hadn't heard from Devin and I would just dwell on the worst possible scenarios. I'd also really worry every time he was driving back to CoMo from St. Louis at night.
Try 1 John chapter 4 for that verse...we had a sermon on that chapter today and I think that verse, or one like it, was in there.
Love you girl! Hang in there
Aimee,
The Zoo is here.
Do good things.
Everyone has a fear of something. People that do not have a right relationship with God fear things on earth instead of the God of heaven. People can fear other people, fear situations, and even fear the future when they do not fear God. Since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes. For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm. (Proverbs 1:30-33) People that fear God have confidence on earth because they have no fear of anyone, or any situation, or anything that can happen. In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, And His children will have a place of refuge. The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, To turn one away from the snares of death. (Proverbs 14:26-27)
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