This weekend has been a bit overwhelming.
Good. But overwhelming.
I think more than anything, I have this overwhelming feeling of things passing too quickly. Life is going to fast. People are growing up, getting old, adding wrinkles, becoming unhealthy. The normal is different. The consistent is changing. And it's just stinking overwhelming.
This weekend I felt much. I've felt sad, depressed, happy, energetic, encouraged, disheartened, disappointed, joyful, lost, loved. I have felt this desire to get in as much as I possibly can, to listen to as many stories as my little head can hold, to ask as many questions as my childlike mind can think up. I have this great fear that if I don't ask all the questions in the world I can think of now, then maybe there won't be a next time for me to ask them. Maybe I will never have those answers. Maybe I will never know. And that scares me.
I've learned a lot. I learned that my Grandpa used to work as a runner between banks in downtown St. Charles, and that some days he would be holding up to $10,000 in his little hands going back and forth. I've learned that the restaurant that we ate at on Saturday night used to be that very bank. I've learned that my Papa used to have a lot of African American friends in the 1950s and 60s when there were great problems with segregation. I learned that he fought for them to be invited to his wedding and lost the battle to older, more conservative future in-laws (fact). I also learned that he once threw a man off a three story building in the middle of a fight when he was working for the union (fact). I learned that my Nana really likes chocolate and also that she threatens my Papa with her icepick when she gets mad. (fiction- the last part)
I think more than anything, I've seen so much how my grandparents and parents had lives before me. No, their world did not revolve around me as much as my narrow mind likes to think. Yes, they were born too and grew up on the streets of St. Charles and yes they went to school and fell in love and experienced the changing world around them, and yes they felt pain, joy, hurt, and happiness too, even before me. That's what I've learned this weekend.
A little story...
On Friday, my Papa went to visit my Nana as usual. While he was there the priest from my Nana's church came to talk with her and pray for her. After praying for her, he asked my Papa if he would like to pray for her too.
I bet my Papa was stunned when he asked him. (He doesn't go to church with my Nana). He replied with, "Well, Father, I don't think I pray the same way you do."
"That's ok Richard," he responded. "You can pray however you like."
I imagine my Papa was probably scanning his head at this point for other possible excuses. "Go ahead, Rich. Just lay your hand on her head and say a little something."
So my Papa lay his hand on my little Nana's head and prayed his prayer to Our Father. "Listen here God, you make my Elaine start feeling better or I'll stop feeding your damn birds. Amen"
The priest busted out laughing and told him that he was right. They do pray differently, but he assured him that his prayer was just as good.
My Papa got a kick out of that.
All in all my Nana is pretty similar to how she has been all week. We're still waiting on biopsy results and have been for the past week. She is on a breathing tube and wearing a mask at night when she sleeps.
Her room is filled with electronic cards, Hersheys kisses, M&Ms, quilting magazines, books and hand-picked daffodils from my Papa. She is feeling cheerful some days and as she said "like s--t" other days. But she is filled with visitors and prayers and lots of love. I think that is the best medicine she can have right now.
Please keep up your prayers. We appreciate them. Enjoy some photos from Saturday...
This weekend I felt much. I've felt sad, depressed, happy, energetic, encouraged, disheartened, disappointed, joyful, lost, loved. I have felt this desire to get in as much as I possibly can, to listen to as many stories as my little head can hold, to ask as many questions as my childlike mind can think up. I have this great fear that if I don't ask all the questions in the world I can think of now, then maybe there won't be a next time for me to ask them. Maybe I will never have those answers. Maybe I will never know. And that scares me.
I've learned a lot. I learned that my Grandpa used to work as a runner between banks in downtown St. Charles, and that some days he would be holding up to $10,000 in his little hands going back and forth. I've learned that the restaurant that we ate at on Saturday night used to be that very bank. I've learned that my Papa used to have a lot of African American friends in the 1950s and 60s when there were great problems with segregation. I learned that he fought for them to be invited to his wedding and lost the battle to older, more conservative future in-laws (fact). I also learned that he once threw a man off a three story building in the middle of a fight when he was working for the union (fact). I learned that my Nana really likes chocolate and also that she threatens my Papa with her icepick when she gets mad. (fiction- the last part)
I think more than anything, I've seen so much how my grandparents and parents had lives before me. No, their world did not revolve around me as much as my narrow mind likes to think. Yes, they were born too and grew up on the streets of St. Charles and yes they went to school and fell in love and experienced the changing world around them, and yes they felt pain, joy, hurt, and happiness too, even before me. That's what I've learned this weekend.
A little story...
On Friday, my Papa went to visit my Nana as usual. While he was there the priest from my Nana's church came to talk with her and pray for her. After praying for her, he asked my Papa if he would like to pray for her too.
I bet my Papa was stunned when he asked him. (He doesn't go to church with my Nana). He replied with, "Well, Father, I don't think I pray the same way you do."
"That's ok Richard," he responded. "You can pray however you like."
I imagine my Papa was probably scanning his head at this point for other possible excuses. "Go ahead, Rich. Just lay your hand on her head and say a little something."
So my Papa lay his hand on my little Nana's head and prayed his prayer to Our Father. "Listen here God, you make my Elaine start feeling better or I'll stop feeding your damn birds. Amen"
The priest busted out laughing and told him that he was right. They do pray differently, but he assured him that his prayer was just as good.
My Papa got a kick out of that.
All in all my Nana is pretty similar to how she has been all week. We're still waiting on biopsy results and have been for the past week. She is on a breathing tube and wearing a mask at night when she sleeps.
Her room is filled with electronic cards, Hersheys kisses, M&Ms, quilting magazines, books and hand-picked daffodils from my Papa. She is feeling cheerful some days and as she said "like s--t" other days. But she is filled with visitors and prayers and lots of love. I think that is the best medicine she can have right now.
Please keep up your prayers. We appreciate them. Enjoy some photos from Saturday...
Yawning
Chrimee
Diesel found a "chu-chu" on Main Street, St. Charles
My momma and me
Trying to pretend he is mad
Showing Aunt Mimi how he can pee like a big boy
The Bunny couple at Mama and Gpa Jerry's,
slightly creepy. They watched me while I slept.
Dinner at the restaurant that used to be a bank
Dinner
Grandpa, Bunny, and Diesel
My parentals gave this statue to Diesel for Easter. They claim it resembles him. Do you see the difference? Personally, I see Gollum. Sorry Dad. Sorry Suzanne. Sorry Dies. :)
1 comment:
You are truly an amazing young woman and I am so very proud of you! You are definitely the author that I wanted to be when I was younger!
MOMMA
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