playing mommy

little saw and me at chuck-e-cheese

This weekend was my chance to play mommy.

Not that I am anywhere close to mommy in the eyes of Diesel and Sawyer, but for me it was a chance to see what a weekend with two little ones running around feels like.

It was quite the experience.

The boys arrived on Friday evening to a spotless apartment. The carpets were vacuumed. The candles were lit, and dinner was baking. 

After only minutes of having them, our apartment was trashed.

At first I cared. I would run behind them with a little wet rag cleaning up all their little spots from oreos to spilt milk and banana mush.

But then, after so many of those little spots... I stopped caring.

Chris and I did a good job of maintaining our normal orderly apartment in small opportunities, like when the boys were sleeping or watching tv... but for the majority of the time it remained like that. 

There were other things that we stopped caring about like that too... like our time. 

Throughout the weekend different thoughts raced through my head like. "Wow, I can't believe I'm at chuck-e-cheese right now. On a normal Saturday like this I would be relaxing at home making crafts or hunting through some thrift stores. Instead I am chasing after a four-year old through the chuck-e-cheese maze of games to win as many tokens as possible."

Again, at first I thought that I missed my time. The time that was just to myself. The time in which I got to pick and choose what I want to do- my weekend.

But then I saw little D's face when he picked out his balloon with the tokens he won and the creativity as I watched him paint his little pumpkins. And then I felt Saw's tug on my leg to pick him up and cuddle and all the giggles and smiles and (oh don't even get me started on) bath time.

And I realized, that all that stuff: the smiles, the imagination, the sweetness, the cleverness, the cuddle time, the books and the fun conversations is way better than any craft I have ever made and any feeling I ever had from a clean apartment. It was so much better.

We met Ash and David in Springfield Sunday to drop off the boys. I didn't cry when we said our goodbyes. I didn't cry when we drove home. And I didn't cry on our walk up the stairs. 

But as soon as we walked in our door and I saw the leftover banana mush on my table,

and the uneaten purple pancakes on D's plate,

and the haunted hallooween books by the bathtub

I cried.

And I kept crying.

I cried when I found one of Diesel's socks in the dryer.

I cried when Chris found Saw's lion behind my tv.

And I cried when I saw the other half of D's firetruck under our entertainment center.

I even cried when I saw Saw's diaper in our trash can.

(Yes, I did).

And so I am infected.

Infected with this love of being an aunt

... and maybe someday in the future a mommy.

 ...
p.s. more pictures of our weekend surely to come
and
i started putting things up in the shop!